


Not What We Thought

by Cherry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Spoilers for manga chapter 58, The members of Levi's new squad have to grow up fast, What if? Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1766200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry/pseuds/Cherry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble in fic form exploring my ideas about what might happen immediately after the end of Chapter 58 - the characters' reactions and feelings. I'm also playing with the idea of how Levi might react if he'd never actually killed anyone before, although it's heavily implied in the manga that he has. I just wanted to write a 'what if?' fic. Bit of a mishmash really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not What We Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for AOT manga chapter 58.

For a moment everyone is frozen. Then Levi and Mikasa have no choice but to turn away to concentrate on the hunters behind them, Levi decapitating the nearest man with a backhanded stroke of one blade, before incapacitating another with a direct shot to the stomach using his right anchor – and who would have guessed what deadly weapons those would turn out to be? The line retracts, the anchor covered in gore, dragging half the man with it. Levi grits his teeth, kicks the corpse clear, his left line pulling him sharply sideways towards the chimneystack where it’s anchored and the next assailant, already running towards him along the roof. Somewhere to his right, Mikasa is fighting with everything she has. Levi can’t afford to look - not at her, not back towards the cart. Jean lost the rifle, but they have pistols. Fuck, they’d better be prepared to use the pistols – swords – their bare hands… They’d better be prepared to _survive_ , or -

Levi ducks a bullet and sinks his blade into the body of his opponent, the full force of his weight and momentum behind it. The expression on the man’s face as he realises he’s dying, the blood welling around his wound, his hand closing uselessly on Levi’s sleeve and his eyes begging for help from his killer – none of it is anything Levi can think about now. He kicks that corpse away, too, and turns to find the next –

 

Jean is staring at the body of the woman who would have killed him. Her blood is everywhere – on the cart, on his clothes, in his hair – He licks his dry lips, and tastes iron. Oh _god!_

 _“_ Get that body _off_ the _cart!”_ Armin shouts, as though it’s not the first time he’s said it. “It’s slowing us down! _Jean!_ ”

Jean shakes his head – how can he touch _that_? But Armin saved his life – Armin killed that woman to save his life – and he has to – His hands are trembling violently, but he grabs the woman’s body by the gas canister on her back and the fabric of her trousers, and hefts her over the edge of the cart. He closes his eyes as she hits the road, but Armin’s yelling something again. _What?_

“Use your pistol,” Armin says, loudly, but sounding impossibly calm. “Use your pistol, and if you get a chance, reload mine. They’ll be on us in a minute. I think at least a couple got through.”

Jean swallows, nods, takes the pistol Armin is holding out to him. Armin turns his attention back to the horses, urging them to go faster.

Connie has his pistol in his hand now, although he knows he’s not much of a shot. Sasha has her bow, and she _is_. If any of those bastards get close enough –

Jean reloads Armin’s pistol, fighting to control his shaking. Passing the weapon back to Armin, he draws his own, eyes on Levi and Mikasa, who are fighting valiantly behind them. They seem to be winning, and, although Jean feels bile rising in his throat with every spray of blood he witnesses, he can’t deny he’s glad the MPs are not getting through.

Then there’s a cry from Connie – “Two more – up ahead!” Jean turns to see two men swooping down on them from the roofs of the last two buildings before they reach open ground. Connie fires his pistol, but misses. Sasha fires her bow and hits one of the men in the thigh. He curses and swerves, unable to use the gear effectively with one leg out of action. Landing on a rooftop, he aims at the cart and fires, but Armin pulls the horses sharply to the right and the bullet tears into the cobbled street instead, sending up a shower of stones. Armin yanks back hard on the left-hand rein, and the horses turn again, so that the second bullet also misses, barely. Jean is looking around frantically for the second MP, when two figures streak overhead. Mikasa uses Levi’s trick and shoots one anchor into the man on the roof before he can reload, while Levi arcs around a chimney and kills the final attacker with a thrown blade before the man has a chance to turn, or even aim his guns. Then Levi and Mikasa drop into the back of the cart, landing together, front knees bent to absorb the impact of landing, mirror images of each other. It’s the first time Jean’s noticed how alike they look.

“We’re clear for now,” Levi calls, and Jean realises he’s talking to Armin over his head. “Get us right away from the buildings. If there are any MPs left, they’ll take a while to find horses. We need to get out of here and find somewhere to regroup.” Armin nods. “Yes, Sir.”

“Shit! I never thought Kenny –” Levi murmurs under his breath. Then he looks at Jean. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” says Jean, ashamed. Mikasa and Levi are both covered in blood. Jean’s pretty sure most of it isn’t theirs.

“I’m sorry,” Jean says, looking towards both of them, but unable to meet their eyes. “I should have killed that woman. I –”

“Yeah,” says Levi. “You should’ve. Next time, don’t hesitate. It’s them or you. We have to stay alive. Erwin’s plan –”

“ _Eren_ \- and Historia,” Mikasa interrupts. Levi looks at her, and nods.

“You saved my life!” Jean says, his eyes on Mikasa. “You, and Armin.”

“So save ours next time,” Mikasa replies.

Jean puts his pistol back in its holster, acutely aware that it hasn’t been fired. His head bows. “How did this happen? We were fighting titans. We were supposed to be heroes!”

This time no one answers him.

 

They find a low stone barn half full of hay, and hide the wagon and the horses there. Levi calls them together, and they sit on hay bales, looking at each other properly for the first time since everything went wrong. Sasha is red-eyed and shaken. Shooting a man, even in self-defence, wasn’t like shooting an arrow into animal prey or a titan. She hadn’t hesitated at the time, her hunter’s instincts kicking in with the urgency of the situation, but when the arrow hit, she’d realised the difference.

Jean tries to sit alone, but Armin joins him. Mikasa stands beside Levi, and Connie is up on the roof, keeping watch.

“We were supposed to die,” Levi says. “That was their plan. The other three – they didn’t have a chance. Those guns killed them outright before they even knew they’d been found. We have to re-think our plans. You have fifteen minutes to rest, and then we need to move from here. If we killed enough of them they might not follow us immediately, but they won’t let us go. They want an end to the Survey Corps.”

“What if we’re wrong?” Jean asks. “What if we _are_ the bad guys? If we’re torturing people now – killing people – trying to overthrow the monarchy… None of this is what we signed up for.”

“We have to trust in Erwin’s plan,” Levi says.

“But –”

“Jean!” Armin interrupts. “Jean, I understand why you feel like this, but you saw that gear! That wasn’t designed for killing titans. Those people – they’re not the regular Military Police. Whatever they’re doing, it’s not something the public is supposed to know about, and they’re willing to kill us – all of us - to keep it secret. The captain’s right – we have to stick with Commander Erwin’s plan. We’ll just have to adapt the original plan now, that’s all. We _will_ get Eren and Historia back, whatever else we do!”

“Yes,” Mikasa agrees. “That has to be our first goal.”

“We might still be able to track that hearse,” Levi says. “The streets were busy. People will have noticed it. If we go in ones and twos, in disguise… We’ll regroup in fifteen minutes. There’s a well in the yard – drink plenty, and wash any wounds you have. This isn’t over.”

 

Jean waits until Sasha has gone to join Connie on the roof, and Levi and Mikasa are both out in the yard washing off the blood.

“Armin,” he says. “Thanks. For saving my life. Without you and Mikasa…”

“Without Captain Levi and Mikasa we’d all be dead,” Armin replies. “Jean – you have to choose. Stay or go. You can’t sit on the fence.”

“Go? You mean _desert_?” Jean asks, shocked.

“Yes.” Armin sits with his hands resting on his knees, looking calm, but Jean can sense the tension in his small body. “You’re no use if you’re not committed. You have to pick a side. If you think Levi’s wrong – if you think the commander is wrong – then it’s best if you go.”

“I was going to join the Military Police,” Jean says.

“Yes – but you joined the Survey Corps. Anyway, those people weren’t the regular Military Police. You just have to decide, that’s all.”

“And you think this is right?”

“I think it’s necessary. I think those people who tried to kill us are protecting the same people who sent my grandfather out to die in that so-called recovery mission. Whatever’s going on, the system is corrupt. I believe that. If Rod Reiss knows something that would change my mind, why is he keeping it secret - and why are the Military Police prepared to kill us to keep it that way? No – until I know different, I’m sticking to Commander Erwin’s plans.”

“But – you killed that woman… You saved me, but you killed a human being! Doesn’t that – You seem so calm…”

The look Armin turns on Jean then makes him flinch. “ _Calm?_ I don’t know. I feel – sick whenever I think about it. But what other choice was there? It was that woman, or you. Sometimes there are only simple options. I think I made the right choice, don’t you?”

“…Yes,” Jean whispers.

“Well, then,” is Armin’s only reply.

 

On the roof, Sasha and Connie look back towards Stohess.

“Sorry I missed,” Connie says. Sasha shrugs. “It’s okay. We didn’t do much firearms practice. I’ve been using a bow my whole life.”

“Are you – all right?”

“Yeah. Armin though! I never thought…”

“No.”

“I – I think this makes it easier,” Sasha says. “I thought the captain and Hange were doing something terrible – when we heard those screams, and then when the captain was so hard on Historia. But – if we’re up against _those_ people… If Sanes was like them…”

“I just wanted to kill titans,” Connie replies. “But those MPs really want us dead.”

“Yeah.”

“And we haven’t done anything wrong – have we?”

“No. We were doing our best to protect people. The way I see it, you fight to protect your friends – your family. You leave people alone, unless they attack you. But if they attack you, you fight. It’s how the world is. We have to survive.”

“Yeah,” Connie agrees. “We have to survive. That ape titan’s got it coming – when all this is sorted out.”

“Yes. When all of this is sorted out, I’ll help you hunt him down,” Sasha replies, and Connie manages a smile.

 

In the yard, Levi and Mikasa wash blood from their hands and faces. The wound on Levi’s cheek looks as though it would heal better with stitches, but there’s nothing to be done about that now.

“You fought well,” Levi says.

“It’s better than dying,” Mikasa replies. “I hope Armin’s all right – having to kill that woman.”

“At Eren’s trial…” Levi begins.

“Yes?”

“They said you and Eren killed three people. In self defence.”

“Yes. I killed one of them. I’ve done this before, if that’s what you’re asking. We’re – not like the rest of them.”

“…No.”

Levi’s hesitation makes Mikasa look up sharply. “You _haven’t_ killed a human before!” she realizes, shocked. “Today was the first time?”

Levi frowns. “I’ve done – everything else. Tortured people. Helped dispose of bodies. Seen people killed. Tracked them down so they could be killed. What’s the difference if someone else actually finished the job?”

Mikasa looks at Levi carefully. “What you said before – after you told Historia she had to be queen - about having seen a lot of abnormal things…”

“The man I – worked with. He did the killing. But, yeah. A lot of abnormal things. So, killing shouldn’t make a difference, right?”

“I think – it _does_ make a difference. Knowing that someone else isn’t alive because of your direct actions. But there isn’t always a choice. I learned that a long time ago: sometimes, if you don’t kill, you die. If _you_ hadn’t killed today, we’d probably all be dead.” Mikasa hesitates. “…Are you –”

Levi’s frown deepens. “Am I what?”

“Are you all right?”

“Tch. I should be asking _you_ that. I don’t know. I just – reacted. Survived.” Levi shakes his head, trying to clear his mind. “I’m supposed to be leading you all – but… Shit! I don’t even know where Hange went. And Erwin… I don’t know what he’d want me to do, now. I think all we can do is track that hearse – try to find Eren and Historia. If we can’t find them…”

“We’ll find them.” Mikasa puts a hand on Levi’s shoulder. He looks up into her steady, dark eyes, gratefully.

“Yeah. We’ll find them. Don’t tell the others - that I hadn’t done this before, I mean. They need to believe I know what I’m doing.”

“You _do_ know what you’re doing,” Mikasa replies. “You’re doing whatever it takes to keep us alive, so we can find Eren and Historia. But I won’t say anything.”

Levi nods, and they start to make their way back to the barn.

“You don’t have to do it all on your own,” Mikasa says abruptly, looking rather embarrassed. “I’ll fight with you. And the others – Connie and Sasha will get it, after today. Jean – I think Jean will come round. He’s a good person…” Mikasa almost smiles. “He’s not like you and me. But I think he’ll understand, now. Armin… Well, I’m just glad Armin’s on _our_ side. This whole thing has changed him.”

“Not for the better, you’re thinking?” Levi asks.

“Maybe not. But it’s necessary,” Mikasa says firmly. “I think – I think today has changed all of us – hardened us – made things clearer. We might not be the people we’d like to be, but I think we’re turning into the people we have to become, if we’re going to survive this; if we’re ever going to find out the truth. I know this isn’t what Jean, and Sasha and Connie thought they’d signed up for -”

“This isn’t what any of us signed up for,” Levi agrees. “But it’s what we’ve got to deal with.” He looks up at the roof, where Connie and Sasha sit, Sasha with her bow held loosely in her hands, looking towards Stohess. “Get down here,” Levi calls. “Time to go.”

Both of them salute with a new crispness, and jump down from the roof immediately.

Mikasa follows Levi back into the barn, and watches him take a breath and square his shoulders before he walks forward to address their small assembly.

“Listen up,” he says, omitting the ‘brats’ he might have added in the past. “We’re going after Eren and Historia. We _have_ to succeed this time. Clear?”

“Yes, Sir!” The answer comes from all five of them, instant and determined. Their eyes are on him, and there’s no hint of doubt in their faces.

“We’ll leave the cart here, and let the horses loose once we reach the wall,” Levi says. “They’ll be watching the gates, so we’ll have to find another way back – over wall Sina and back into Stohess from that side. Armin, I’ll need to hear your ideas as we go.”

Armin nods, resolute.

“Move out!” Levi orders, and his soldiers hurry to obey.


End file.
